The Truth Behind My Tears
by xXxIcePrincexXx
Summary: Millia reflects on her tragic past with Zato.


**The Truth Behind My Tears**

As I pass through the solid doors, I seem to step into a world where all is desolate. I am greeted by a fallen hero that still sits atop his mount, even though his time has long since passed. There is an overwhelming aura of emptiness and sadness that even I can't deny. Skeletons bring themselves back to life, only to fall once again in a never ending process. The grounds are icy, yet beneath the bridge at my feet flows a river. Cliffs are suspended in mid-air that are the foundation for huge castles.

I wonder if anyone lives in them..? I wonder if their fairy tales are coming true...?

I look around, and all I can see is a barren landscape. Looking back, this place used to be home to my happiest of memories. I was so innocent back then...so naive...but perhaps everything that happened was for the best.

I still think back to those times...how happy we were...how happy I was. Everything was so perfect. I knew I'd always have you there if I needed you.  
It has been such a long day.

Sighing, I sit down on the mossy bridge above the small flowing river. It is here that I feel you the most. In the midst of loneliness and hopelessness.

The snow starts to fall, and I can't help but to listen to the memories that flood back through my mind. Memories of when times were good and you'd shield me from the cold. The winter I endured was particularly harsh back then, but you always made sure that I was warm.

At a time when I was lost and couldn't find my way...you practically raised me, dirtied my soul...and loved me. I'll always be grateful for that.

The river beneath me starts to part in ripples. It's only then that I realize that I have been crying.

**_Why do you still torment me...even in death?_**

In a weaker state, I'd want to succumb to this place. I'd want to lose myself in my misery the way I do when no one is around. This place is so beautiful in it's solitude. If I was sure that no one would cross my path, I'd allow myself to truly show my feelings. I'd even stay.

Even so...maybe just for a little while...

It's so strange. I don't think I've cried in...such a long time, at least so openly. The bonds we as humans make with one another is so strong...probably stronger than anything else we'll ever know or feel.

As I begin to lose myself in my thoughts, I suddenly feel a presence. Standing up quickly, I dry my tears and face my unseen companion with dignity.

Then my heart stops.

It's you...isn't it? What's left of you, anyway... You drew me here. I should have known. As soon as I walked in, I should have known. That feeling is one that only you could instill in me.

You face me...that wicked smirk playing across your once beautiful features. I hate the way that shadow has tainted you. I hate the way your face twitches when it's power is overcoming you more than usual.

You know I've been crying. You could always tell. I sometimes wonder if that shadow took hold of your memories and instincts as it slowly took a hold of your life.

If only I could go back to that moment that you seemingly welcomed it's existence. It was almost as if you had been planning for that very moment your entire life. As if you knew that there would be a time that nothing else in the world was important anymore...like you had give up on everyone. Like you had given up on me.

All the while, I supported you and everything you did. I was your shoulder to cry on--the one who kept your spirit up when everyone shunned you out. I was the one who always smiled when they caught a glimpse of you sleeping so soundly. I was the one who loved you more than anything in the world. You were my world.

That is until the day that shadow's tainted ways found a new home in you. I never thought you'd let it take control so easily. Even I didn't seem to know you anymore. You took another part of me on that fateful day...my hope. My hope that you could somehow control that which you sought so much of...my hope that you would still be the same person I met so long ago.

I'd of sent you to the afterlife myself to free you from the pain.

If I was still the naive child that you first met, perhaps that's what would have happened. But unfortunately that isn't the outcome fate intended for us. I betrayed you...even took your life, which I valued more than my own, by my own hands. For that, I'll face my own fateful demise as well. I accept the consequences of whatever awaits me...I can't look back.

The person I thought so much of--the person whom I'd have given my own life for at that time...had died before my eyes long before I faced you on the battlefield. You were no longer the savior I had known you to be to me. You can never completely recover from that. What was I to do? What could I do to help? Those questions still haunt me to this day--so much so that sleeping and crying have become two constants in my own life.

Though I too succumbed to that shadow's intent. I gave in to it's desires, not knowing that the outcome was simply a shell. A shell for a body with no soul...no emotion...no nothing..just emptiness. Perhaps it's easier to blame that shadow for that...even though I know I chose my own path willingly.

I wondered aimlessly for a long time. I didn't know what to do, or how to deal with what I'd put you through and all the pain it probably caused. Perhaps that's why I ran..I didn't want to know...didn't want to look back to see you so pitiful. I wanted to remember you as the strong, compassionate, fearless person I first met.

But with time, everything changes. I've learned that now.

Our fate was decided once you welcomed that shadow into your life. That shadow has cost me more than you will ever know now. It cost me my innocence, my soul, my heart, my sanity, my hope, my world...my best friend.

...My everything...

Before my anger and hatred for that shadow consumes me, I take one last look at you.

**_...I miss you..._**


End file.
